I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma . Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct...
The salesman (wearing an Obama "change" lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its "wonderful" options.
The seats were of particular interest. He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck.
I explained that if it were a Democratic truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership........damn guy had no sense of humor
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Monday, November 23, 2009
KFC has a new dinner on the menu!!!
We all remember the "Hillary Meal"--- small breasts and big thighs.
Now, KFC has announced a new addition to their chicken dinners.
It's called the Obama Cabinet Bucket.---
it consists of nothing but LEFT WINGS AND ASSHOLES
.......................................................................................
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We all remember the "Hillary Meal"--- small breasts and big thighs.
Now, KFC has announced a new addition to their chicken dinners.
It's called the Obama Cabinet Bucket.---
it consists of nothing but LEFT WINGS AND ASSHOLES
.......................................................................................
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Monday, October 12, 2009
During a recent password audit, it was found a blonde was using the following password:
mickeyminnieplutohueylouiedeweydonaldgoofy
When asked why she used such a long password she replied, "Well, it said it had to be at least eight characters."
.......................................................................................
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mickeyminnieplutohueylouiedeweydonaldgoofy
When asked why she used such a long password she replied, "Well, it said it had to be at least eight characters."
.......................................................................................
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Monday, October 5, 2009
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
......................................................................................
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She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
......................................................................................
If you don't have your own website you are still living in the 20th Century! Did you know you can actually get a website online for less than $25, and do it all yourself? It's true! Go here and find out how easy it really is, once you know how.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush’s home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
....................................................................................
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As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
....................................................................................
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Saturday, September 19, 2009
Originally, God made woman with three boobs, not just two.
But when the middle one kept getting in the way, he did some surgery.
So woman is standing before God holding that boob in her hand and wondering what she should do with it.
So God made man...
......................................................................................
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But when the middle one kept getting in the way, he did some surgery.
So woman is standing before God holding that boob in her hand and wondering what she should do with it.
So God made man...
......................................................................................
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Monday, September 14, 2009
Two elderly gentlemen decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail.....
When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her tit she farted and flew out the window!"
....................................................................................
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When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.
The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How's that?"
"Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her tit she farted and flew out the window!"
....................................................................................
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Sunday, September 13, 2009
Guy goes into a bar, and there's only a robot bartender. He walks up to the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "Whats your IQ?"
The guy says, "168".
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,"What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini".
Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "Whats your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "Whats your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
.................................................................................
Laughter is the best medicine and I hope you find something to laugh about every day!
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "Whats your IQ?"
The guy says, "168".
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says,"What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini".
Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "Whats your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "Whats your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
.................................................................................
Laughter is the best medicine and I hope you find something to laugh about every day!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy idea! Let's do it!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing ...I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this"'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!"
...................................................................................
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"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy idea! Let's do it!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing ...I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this"'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!"
...................................................................................
Have you ever earned $25-$50 per hour? I have! Find out how you can, too! http://www.MakeMoneyAtFleaMarkets.com
Monday, September 7, 2009
A man took his pet duck to the movie theatre. He was worried about not getting admitted if someone saw the duck, so to hide the duck he stuck it inside his pants.
After about fifteen minutes after the man found a seat inside the theater the duck began to get uncomfortable, so the man opened his zipper so the duck could stick his head out. That was a lot better.
There were two women sitting next to him in the theatre.
One woman said to the other one, "Muriel, that man has his "thing" out".
Muriel said, So what you’ve seen one before.
"Yes", replied her friend, "but this one is eating my popcorn!"
.....................................................................................
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After about fifteen minutes after the man found a seat inside the theater the duck began to get uncomfortable, so the man opened his zipper so the duck could stick his head out. That was a lot better.
There were two women sitting next to him in the theatre.
One woman said to the other one, "Muriel, that man has his "thing" out".
Muriel said, So what you’ve seen one before.
"Yes", replied her friend, "but this one is eating my popcorn!"
.....................................................................................
Stop screwing around and learn how to create your own websites and start making money online! Go here to learn more: leopinnaonline.com
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Confucious say...
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ!
Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly!
Man who walk sideways through airport turnstile going to Bangkok!
Panties not best thing on Earth, but next to it!
.....................................................................................
Leave a comment and tell me a dirty joke!
Scroll down to the archives for even more great dirty jokes!
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ!
Passionate kiss like spiders web - soon lead to undoing of fly!
Man who walk sideways through airport turnstile going to Bangkok!
Panties not best thing on Earth, but next to it!
.....................................................................................
Leave a comment and tell me a dirty joke!
Scroll down to the archives for even more great dirty jokes!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because jumping out of airplanes at 3,000 feet scares the hell out of the guide dogs!
......................................................................................
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Because jumping out of airplanes at 3,000 feet scares the hell out of the guide dogs!
......................................................................................
Earning $500 in cash in one day is easier than you think! Find out how here!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
What did the doctor say to the prostitute when she complained no hair would grow on her vagina?
"Did you ever see grass grow on a busy high way?"
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"Did you ever see grass grow on a busy high way?"
......................................................................................
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Sunday, August 23, 2009
Doctor see a man who has five penis's.
Curious, the doc asks him, "How do your pants fit?"
The guy says to the doc, "Like a glove!"
Greek Army motto: Never leave your buddies behind...
.......................................................................................
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Curious, the doc asks him, "How do your pants fit?"
The guy says to the doc, "Like a glove!"
Greek Army motto: Never leave your buddies behind...
.......................................................................................
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Monday, August 17, 2009
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"
"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".
Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.
In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.
To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!
His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass."
...................................................................................
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After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"
"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".
Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.
In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.
To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!
His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass."
...................................................................................
Want to become wealthy? You need to know two things. Learn what they are and how you can use them in this free report. Click Here.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says "Mummy, what are they doing?".
The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm they are making cakes".
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkies having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes.
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?".
Shocked, the Mother says "how do you know?"
The girl replies, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa".
....................................................................................
Oooo.
Wealthy people know something you don't, that's why they're rich. So what is it that they know and you don't? Find out by clicking right here.
.
The little girl says "Mummy, what are they doing?".
The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm they are making cakes".
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkies having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes.
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?".
Shocked, the Mother says "how do you know?"
The girl replies, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa".
....................................................................................
Oooo.
Wealthy people know something you don't, that's why they're rich. So what is it that they know and you don't? Find out by clicking right here.
.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Barack and Michelle Obama were going to a Halloween party in a few days, so Barack asked Michelle to go to a costume store and pick out a costume for him to wear.
That evening he returns to the White House to find a Superman costume lying on the bed.
"Michelle, what is this?"
"It's your costume for the Halloween party Thursday night."
"I can't wear that!" he exclaims. "Have you ever heard of a Black Superman?! Get me something else!"
The next day a rather miffed Michelle Obama takes the Superman costume back and gets him something else.
That night the President walks into the bedroom and finds a Batman costume on the bed.
"Picking it up he says to her, "Batman?! Have you ever seen a Black Batman? NO! I am definitely not wearing THAT! Now take it back and see get me something more appropriate to wear!"
The next day I very angry Michelle Obama returns the Batman costume and gets her husband something else to wear.
When the President gets back he discovers three white buttons, a white belt and a four foot long 2 X 4 lying on the bed.
Puzzled, he calls his wife into the bedroom and asks her about these items.
"Well," she says, "you haven't liked anything I've gotten for you yet, so you can either wear the three white buttons on your chest and go as a domino, or you can wear the white belt and go as an Oreo, or you can SHOVE THE 2X4 STRAIGHT UP YOUR ASS AND GO AS A FUDGESICLE FOR ALL I CARE!!!"
....................................................................................
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That evening he returns to the White House to find a Superman costume lying on the bed.
"Michelle, what is this?"
"It's your costume for the Halloween party Thursday night."
"I can't wear that!" he exclaims. "Have you ever heard of a Black Superman?! Get me something else!"
The next day a rather miffed Michelle Obama takes the Superman costume back and gets him something else.
That night the President walks into the bedroom and finds a Batman costume on the bed.
"Picking it up he says to her, "Batman?! Have you ever seen a Black Batman? NO! I am definitely not wearing THAT! Now take it back and see get me something more appropriate to wear!"
The next day I very angry Michelle Obama returns the Batman costume and gets her husband something else to wear.
When the President gets back he discovers three white buttons, a white belt and a four foot long 2 X 4 lying on the bed.
Puzzled, he calls his wife into the bedroom and asks her about these items.
"Well," she says, "you haven't liked anything I've gotten for you yet, so you can either wear the three white buttons on your chest and go as a domino, or you can wear the white belt and go as an Oreo, or you can SHOVE THE 2X4 STRAIGHT UP YOUR ASS AND GO AS A FUDGESICLE FOR ALL I CARE!!!"
....................................................................................
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Monday, August 3, 2009
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to cross back into the United States but was stopped at the border crossing.
"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry but I lost my wallet. I don't have any I.D. on me." replies the man.
"Yeah, I hear that every day. Sorry, no identification, no entry." says the agent.
"But I can prove I'm an American," exclaims the man. "I have a tattoo of Ronald Reagan on one side of my butt and a tattoo of George W. Bush on the other!"
"This I gotta see," says the agent. He leads the man into an office, where the man promptly drops his pants.
"By golly, you're right," exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip to Chicago."
"Thanks," replies the man, "but how did you know I'm from Chicago?"
The agent replies, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
....................................................................................
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"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry but I lost my wallet. I don't have any I.D. on me." replies the man.
"Yeah, I hear that every day. Sorry, no identification, no entry." says the agent.
"But I can prove I'm an American," exclaims the man. "I have a tattoo of Ronald Reagan on one side of my butt and a tattoo of George W. Bush on the other!"
"This I gotta see," says the agent. He leads the man into an office, where the man promptly drops his pants.
"By golly, you're right," exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip to Chicago."
"Thanks," replies the man, "but how did you know I'm from Chicago?"
The agent replies, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
....................................................................................
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