Tuesday, June 30, 2009

3 explorers were looking in the Amazon jungle when they were captured by tribesmen. They were taken to their chief.

The chief tells each of them they have trespassed and they must go out into the forest and come back with 10 of the same kind of fruits.

The first guy comes back with 10 bananas, and the chief orders him to shove them all up his ass without making a sound.

The guy manages to get 2 bananas in but when he goes for the third one he starts screaming, so the tribesmen kill him.

A while later the second guy comes back with 10 berries. The chief orders him to do the same as the first guy. He thinks no big deal, and begins shoving them in his asshole. He gets 9 in and is about to shove the 10th in when he starts laughing. He was immediately attacked and killed.

Now the first two guys meet in heaven and they start talking. The first man says, "Hey dude why did you laugh? You could've gone back and told out families what had happened".

The 2nd guy explains, "Sorry, man, I just couldn't help myself when I saw Jeff walking back into camp carrying 10 pineapples!"

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Learn how to create your own website! It's easier than you think! Click Here.

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

What's the top speed women can achieve while having sex?

68, because if they do 69, they'll lose control, flip over and blow a rod.

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Oh, she's going to get me for that one!

Friday, June 26, 2009

A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt". Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful butt" tattooed on her ass.

She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful butt. He looks and says, "You do have a beautiful butt". She then tells the man she wants Beautiful butt tattooed on her ass. The man tells her "I can't fit that on your ass, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letter B on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful butt. She agrees and gets it done.

On the man's birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says "look honey." She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man yells "WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?"!

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A woman walks out of the grocery on her way to her car but drops her bag of groceries on the pavement. Eggs, milk, tomato juice and a few other things are broken.

A drunk walks up, sees her crying as she tries to salvage what she can and says, "Ah, that's okay, lady. It wouldn't have lived anyway, it's eyes are too far apart."

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Monday, June 22, 2009

This guy is banging this girl, the girl asks, "You haven't got aids have you?" He replies, "No."

She responds, "Oh, thank fuck for that! I don't want to get that again!"

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Monday, June 15, 2009

The manager hired a new secretary. she was young, sweet, and polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.

Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention."

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags..."

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Hello, Mr. Smartypants here.

I wanted to take a moment and do something just a bit different today.

I want to help you help yourself.

"What? Did he say he wants to help me help myself?"

Yes, I did, and here's what I mean.

You know about the internet or you wouldn't be reading this. You know that there are millions of websites online and you know a lot of people are making a LOT of money with them.

Have you ever wanted to make money online? I'll bet you do. A lot of people want to, but they don't know the first thing about how!

How do I design a website?

How do I get it online?

How do I collect the money when someone buys something?

What will I sell?

There are a million questions but it's so hard to find anyone who will give you an answer to even one of them!

Until now...click here.

I've discovered a very kind man named Chris Farrell. He's from London, England and now lives in Beverly Hills, California. He has created a central place to explain everything, and it's called Chris Farrell Membership.

It is a truly exceptional site.

Chris will take you step by step from the very beginning and teach you...everything!

...How websites work! (A lot of people think they know but they don't!)

...How to design your own website! (It's easy to do it yourself and save big $$$!)

...How to add videos to your website! (That's really cool!)

...How to connect your website with PayPal to accept payment! (Show me the money!)

...And tons of other things!

Click here.

But get this: he shows you with videos!

Chris has made more than 100 incredible videos you can watch! You will be able to actually see him do all of this stuff, one bit at a time, see where he clicks and what pages he goes to, all of it in great detail, clearly explained and very, very easy to follow along with. And...he'll show you how to do it right along with him!

Not only that, but his membership site has a fantastic discussion forum, where we can post a question and get an answer, either from Chris himself or from other members, including myself.

You are not alone. If you ever have a problem that you can't figure out, simply post a question on the discussion forum and you'll have an answer, usually within only minutes! (I know. I've asked questions there myself. And answered quite a few, too!)

That's perhaps one of the hardest things about getting a website online, running into a little hiccup and not knowing how to get past it. It can be quite frustrating, but not anymore! You will have people you can turn to who will help you.

I know all of this might seem difficult to believe, but I assure you, it's true!

You really can do this! You really can have your very own websites on the internet!

If it were not for Chris, I wouldn't have a website on the internet. Seriously. Not only do I have one, I have three! And that's just what I learned from his membership site over the past short two months!

I've never been a computer geek. Believe me, if I can do it, I know for a fact you can...

But don't just take my word for it. Find out for yourself! Click here.

For the first time ever you can 'test drive' the entire membership site for a full 14 days for only $4.95, complete access to everything!

That's right, for less than a dinner at McDonalds you can watch all of the videos (more coming all the time!) and learn how to build your own online business!

For only 35.3 cents per day you can come to the Discussion Forum and read all of the posts, learn and even make a post, even if it's just to say hello!

For just $4.95 you will have FULL access to EVERYTHING!!!

How can you go wrong? You can't.

Discover how to create your own website and build your very own online business by clicking right here.

Imagine what your friends will think when you tell them the address of YOUR website.

Imagine how you'll feel knowing you can make the money you've always knew you could.

Click here and give it all a two-week test drive and see what you think about it.

Go ahead, it's okay. Click here.

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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.

He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh, yeah? Prove it."

He frowned for a moment, then said, "Okay."

He got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?"

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"

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I double my money all the time by using two simple principles. The wealthy people use them, why not you? Find out what they are in this free report. Click here.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Recent observations...

Some women have pierced belly buttons only because it gives them a place to hang the air freshener.

Prostitutes make more money than drugs dealers because they can wash and resell their crack.

Miracle Whip - a 90-year-old man jacking off and actually coming.

Women are a lot like paper milk cartons because you have to open the flaps to get to the good stuff.

The difference between a whore and a bitch is a whore will fuck everyone at the party. The bitch will fuck everyone except you.

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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.

"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does anyone know another word?"

Johnny from the back of the room yells, "I do! I do!" Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

"Mike, what is your word?"

"Saturday," says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables..."

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."

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I love to laugh. Know any dirty jokes?